The Link Between Love And Fear
Is it Really Practicing Self-Care?
How many times have you heard that it's important to practice self-care?
'Practice self-care' is one of those phrases that sort of defines our work ethos. Confession: sometimes I use the phrase to justify something I want to do but for various reasons, think I shouldn't do. For me, my monthly massage has been a huge part of my self-care. Physically, this massage has helped me. But I didn't realize how much emotional support I was also getting.
On my last visit (the visit where I had to put this on hold because the sudden change in my industry (due to COVID-19) requires a sudden and drastic change in spending), I debated whether I should go or not. Turns out, I’m really really glad I went. When my massage therapist asked how I was, I told him the truth-that I was anxious, stressed and scared. I started crying (this is 1 of 2 times I have cried during this situation). I told him how I was torn between offering my help to my community and needing (NEEDING) to earn a living. My floral business is my sole source of income. I wanted to be able to help others, but didn’t feel that I had the capacity (and definitely didn’t have the funds) to do so.
Here’s what he said (paraphrased of course):
I used to think that it was impossible to live in love and to live in fear at the same time.
These emotions have opposite energies; they pull you in opposite directions.
But there is a connection between the two. That connection is BRAVERY.
Bravery is seeing the need and offering the help you are capable of giving.
Bravery is not giving more than you are capable of, that’s self-sabotage.
Sometimes bravery is seeing that the need is your own and asking for help.
Bravery is not going it alone when you don’t have to.
Bravery connects love (the connections we have) with fear (which breaks connections)
When you chose to live in bravery (or to be brave), you acknowledge the fear and the love. You say, “yes, I am afraid and I want to protect myself. AND I Care about you and want to help.”
Side note-stop comparing yourself with others. You don’t know what their fear is or what their love is. But I guarantee it doesn’t match yours exactly (so their response isn’t to to be the same as yours).
The Bravest Thing You Can Do
Sometimes, accepting help is the bravest thing you can do. And on the other side of your fear is someone else’s need to love. When they reach out offering help; when they say, "Here's this thing. It would make me feel good/useful/helpful/loved if you would accept it." and you reach out and accept help; when you say, "I can't do this alone, please support me." you BOTH get to live bravely. And vice versa, of course. Maybe tomorrow you'll be the one offering help.
MY fear & MY Love
So here’s my fear: my industry feels like it is collapsing, my career just took a huge hit, and for the foreseeable future, both my industry and I will continued to be pummeled. I can't survive in my chosen field without support.
And here's my love: I see so many of my fellow florists struggling, unsure and just plain scared. I'm offering as much as I can to listen, to be there with them, to let them know that if they need it, I'll help.
Living In Bravery
This weekend, my friend needed a bit of companionship. She is struggling on so many ways, it's affecting her creativity-which is the source of her income. So I helped her harvest flowers-I've avoided all greenhouse work since I left home-and then we created arrangements to be given to health care workers (from a socially acceptable distance of course). I gave, she accepted. It helped heal both of us. When my massage therapist offered advice and wisdom and comfort, he gave and I accepted. And it helped heal us both.
It's ok to say, "I am afraid and I want to protect myself. AND I care about you and want to help." It's ok to love and fear at the same time.
LIVE BRAVELY.
Back to that self-care thing. Maybe it really is caring for yourself, even when you think it’s an excuse for something else. Maybe it’s quietly learning to reach out for help when you need it. And maybe it’s creating a connection with someone who will help you live bravely.